the hype about twitter?

okay maybe it'll be better after i have my iphone (lolwut no link but continuing,)

i realised today that i'm sort of torturing myself with all this insecurity, like oh my friend retweeted this other pretty friend, why isn't she retweeting what i said, this is hurting me, what if i'm not good enough what if she hates me what if i'm not pretty.

and then i think, no one ever thought about mother teresa's appearance when she was changing the world, because her good deeds far outweigh her insecurities on the inside. her mind didn't hinder her vision for changing the world and impacting the billions of lives that she has influenced. that was quite an enlightenment there, albeit being a tad myopic and all. cannot believe that after typing that down, i find myself to be so self-consumed. appearances, weight. me vowing to cut down the food when i can move my legs freely again.

those kind of menial things.

glad i took 15 mins off for awhile (from the mugging or lack thereof, hmm.)

helps me get things into perspective. 

bitter dashes.

so the impression i have of you now is one of transience, shallowness and i don't know. you've changed. like all you want to talk about now are your new friends. you didn't even notice that i've distanced away myself from you? you don't even want to ask if i'm okay? i don't know how to keep friends like you, i'm sorry. i was afraid of you before. intimidated out of my wits. then we were clicking like lightbulbs. but like all lightbulbs, the state now is one of large extent of wear and tear. and i think we're going to stagnate at this position.

you only hang out with people because. i feel, you're obsessed with love. you really are. and i don't really know how to react. i'm not all right, i must concede. like, i know i'm a spiteful, bitter girl. i know myself. it's been like this since. years. it's me, it's my personality, sadly. i'm sorry for being that. but sometimes i just really can't help but think.

i really hate it and i can't tell this in your face, because i don't have the courage of any sort. hate it when the new friends seem to be the centre of your boastfulness. like we're a lot more inferior. that's what i feel, anyway. AM I THINKING TOO MUCH. prolly. it's just you, your personality. yeah, you've got other plans. yeah, you got smashed up and you're proud of it? i don't know. i don't know if you'll read this, but if you do then maybe we should talk someday. but i don't know, really.

we're still friends and ofc i'll still be there for you, if you ever need me.

you can count on me.

i'm done trying. no scratch that, i'm only done crying. the crusty eyes. no that can't happen.

although i've written that much for you, i've still got so much to say. i don't even know.

you've been the most amazing thing.

i'm such a selfish fish but............... i don't know, i've got no comeback.

okay much to say but not much time left on the clock.

lovers dance when they're feeling in love/

i love this song it's the song of the boobs and i want to cry because........ these are stuff that matter right now, in my life. i've made that certain.

nebraska nebraska nebraska.

no matter how much my mind always fills in poison comments into my brain whenever there's you, i'll always go back to thinking about what you said. you have affected me, more during this year, our time together.

i'll miss you a lot, really i will. i know i regret, i already do now. we all do regret. but it has been bugging us a hell long time too, you just don't know it. we all care so freaking much you know.

and i hate being inferior. it doesn't make me myself.

no matter what i think everybody thinks, i love my class girls and they've been a part of me.

especially my twitterbirds; lyn jas abi. xx love to them.

and although you might have changed and moved on though im too afraid to think so because im weak and spend too much time thinking than i should.... it's okay, you didn't read the note anyway.

no comeback for that.

still, you're a friend to me and you've been a part of my life. makes it all the more special, because this period of two years is and going to be the lowest of all the pit years that i have/ and probably faced.

and to another person, like z. although you'll never find this in your lifetime, which is why.... i feel a great admiration for you.

you really do put in so much effort in what you do, what you're passionate about and i'm genuinely amazed by that, because you shine at what you do best. i hope the best for you and hope that all the effort you put in has been reciprocated with equal magnitude, because you don't deserve anything less. fight on, friend. i'm glad i got to know you. you taught me to build on character and fight for your own rights and principles and passion.

thank you. 

every tear like a waterfall.

only one day left til' post promos.

if you look at it in a way that disregards the severity of the papers, this is a happy, relieving moment.

can't wait to get back to training and getting back into shape for tourneys. hope it all goes well and we all go dedicated. and implement plans and stuff.

okay, hopefully so.

not {proud to use this phrase in lieu of As anyway-} 纸上谈兵 hehe.

woop woop.

can't help but feeling a taaaaaaad bit sad. just a tad. because i know you're going on to better things and i don't know. i've never experienced anything like this before. i don't know how to react. okay the cons of being a decade-girls-school girl. blejgjakfne.

i hope your life goes fine yeah.

#terriblefriend #terriblefriend #terriblefriend #terriblefriend